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Nothing to Eat by Alger, Horatio, 1832-1899
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A word from our supporters: File extension RPT | Produced by Charles Aldarondo, Charles Franks and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team [Illustration: "PROTESTING, EXCUSING, AND SWEARING A VOW, SHE'D NOTHING WORTH EATING TO GIVE US FOR DINNER."] NOTHING TO EAT. Illustrated. NOT By the Author of "Nothing to Wear" "I'll nibble a little at what I have got." --"My appetite's none of the best. And so I must pamper the delicate thing." A side bone and dressing and bit of the breast. The tip of the rump--that's it--and one of the fli's" NEW YORK: 1857 Entered according to the Act of Congress, in the year 1857, by EDWARD O. JENKINS, in the Clerk's Office of the District Court for the Southern District of New York. Respectfully Dedicated TO ALL LADIES "DYING WITH DYSPEPSIA. "Where fashion and folly are all of a suit." BY A JOLLY GOOD NATURED AUTHOR. CONTENTS. THE ARGUMENT THE PROOF--THE QUEEN OF FASHION THE OBJECT AIMED AT WHAT ANOTHER POET DID HOW THE AUTHOR SOMETIMES DINES MERDLE THE BANKER PLACES WHERE MORTALS DINE THINGS THAT MORTALS EAT THERE THE INVITATION THE MERDLE ORIGIN MRS. MERDLE AT HOME MRS. MERDLE GOES TO MARKET THE DINNER-BELL RINGS THE DINNER TABLE TALK MRS. MERDLE DOUBTS PARADISE'S UNEATING PLEASURES MRS. MERDLE DISCOURSETH OF THINGS EARTHLY MRS. MERDLE DISCOURSETH OF THINGS EATABLE MRS. MERDLE ORDERETH THE SECOND COURSE MRS. MERDLE DISCOURSETH OF HYGIENE AND FISH SAUCE MRS. MEEDLE DESCRIBETH HER DOCTOR MRS. MERDLE DISCOURSETH AGAIN ON DINNER MRS. MERDLE ACCEPTETH OF A SLIGHT DINNER, SUITABLE FOR A WOMAN SUFFERING WITH DYSPEPSIA. MRS. MERDLE DISCOURSETH OF WISHES AND HER SUFFERING MRS. MERDLE DISCOURSETH OF PUDDING MRS. MERDLE DISCOURSETH OF THE NECESSITY OF GOOD WINE AND OTHER MATTERS MRS. MERDLE SUGGESTETH THAT DINNER BEING FINISHED, THE GENTLEMEN WILL SMOKE. IN THE MEANTIME, SHE DISCOURSETH MRS. MERDLE, HAVING "NIBBLED A LITTLE" FOR TWO HOURS AT DINNER, RETIRETH FROM THE TABLE UNSATISFIED THE POET MORALIZETH.--HE DISCOURSETH TO THOSE WHO GORGE AND COMPLAIN HE DISCOURSETH OF THE WHEREFORE OF BACHELORISM HE DISCOURSETH OF WHAT SOME MORTALS LIVE FOR HE IMPLORETH MERCY UPON THOSE WHO ARE CONDEMNED WITH FASHIONABLE FOLLY TO MARRY, AND ILLUSTRATETH THEIR CONDITION HE IMPLORETH MERCY FOR OTHER UNFORTUNATE BEINGS HE DISCOURSETH OF A COMMON PRAYER HE DISCOURSETH OF TROUBLE AND SORROW HE MORALIZETH UPON WHAT A DAY MAY BRING FORTH HAVING REACHED THIRTYSIXTHLY, THE AUTHOR IS ABOUT TO MAKE THE "APPLICATION," AND PRAY FORGIVENESS, BUT CONCLUDES BY REMAINING INCOG ILLUSTRATIONS. PLATE I, NOTHING TO EAT PLATE II, THE "DINING SALOON" PLATE III, THE INVITATION TO DINNER PLATE IV, KITTY MALONE'S INHERITANCE PLATE V, THE MEAT MARKET PLATE VI, THE DINNER PLATE VII, THE WATER CURE PLATE VIII, AFTER DINNER Nothing To Eat. Not by the Author of "Nothing to Wear." The Argument THOUGH famine prevails not at all in the city; Though none of starvation have died in the street; Yet many there are now exciting our pity, Who're daily complaining of nothing to eat. The every-day cry and the every-day fare, That's every day heard where the Livewells are dining, Is nothing to eat, or else nothing to wear, Which naked and starving rich Merdles are whining. There's Kitty Malone--Mrs. Merdle 'tis now-- Was ever on earth here before such a sinner; Protesting, excusing and swearing a vow, She'd nothing worth eating to give us for dinner. Why Kitty, if starving for want of a meal, And had'nt a cent in the world to buy meat, You wouldn't exclaim with a more pious zeal, "I'm dying of hunger--we've nothing to eat!!" The Proof--the Queen of Fashion |